Discovering lasting peace: My salvation story

13 Nov

I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were missionaries to Wales. My Dad was a pastor of a church. Our family life surrounded the church. At a very young age my Father did sketch boards for the kids talk (see picture below). I remember sitting on the pew and purposefully closing my ears to what he was saying. My thought process was: I want to run my life the way I want, so I will give my life to Jesus just before I die, and I get the best of both worlds. My plans, however, ground to a halt during a conversation with my older sister. She mentioned that you don’t know when you are going to die. I thought that was very true, so I prayed to get it over and done with. I knew Jesus commanded us to live a good life, so I thought, Right, I will do that. In my head, it was a cold exchange; I prayed a prayer and lived a good life, and he would let me into heaven. This wasn’t the gospel. I had no idea what knowing God was supposed to be.

I remember doing the good that I thought was expected of me, looking for validation. My world, however, came crashing down when, one morning, my mom left my dad and took me and my siblings with her. I was so confused. I thought God would sort your life out, and everything would be good if you prayed a prayer and lived a good life, but I had done that, and my life is crashing in on itself. I was so angry and wanted nothing to do with Jesus. Being the middle child, I tried to fix everything, so there was this tension between rebellion and saving face. I didn’t want to cause any more hurt, disappointment, or anger for my family, but I felt so out of control that I wanted someone to see me. So, I started rebelling in secret. I had relationships with guys and would fight people. I was so angry and hurt I didn’t know what to do.

My mom and dad got a divorce, and my mom started talking about moving to the US. Her family was there, and she wanted to be closer to them. So my mom sorted out the details, and my two sisters and I moved to Illinois. We stayed with my uncle and aunt for about two weeks. Needing to move out of there, a pastor and his wife from our church said they wanted to open their house for us until we could find a place to live. They had four kids a little younger than us, but I thought this would be great. During this time, I suppressed a lot of emotions. My Dad and older brother lived in Wales, and my sisters lived in the States. I thought the change of location would solve the hurt in my heart, but it only made the wounds hurt more. Living in a new country without friends made me feel isolated and lonely. My temper was an issue that did not mix well with the family we were staying with. There was such a wrestle in my heart, and I couldn’t get away with it. I wanted to forget it all and have everything go back to normal.

My solutions never solved the problem of my heart.

My solution looked like a candy apple, promising sweetness and enjoyment, but every time I indulged, the apple was rotten. The sin that I thought would heal my heart and the relationships I thought would comfort my soul left me all the more broken.

WHO COULD SAVE ME?

At our church, we had a youth camp, and right before I was picked up, I remember feeling so broken. I knew God was real, so I asked him to meet me at the youth camp. The first night, they talked about God being a good Heavenly Father, and I remember weeping as the Father healed many deep wounds I had suppressed for so long. The following day, we had a session, and at the end of the session, they told us all to pray for an hour. They gave us a sheet with bible references so we could read and pray. I remember sitting in the corner of the church, not knowing what to do. I grabbed my Bible and turned to a psalm I believe was on the list. Psalm 73 was the psalm, and as I read it, it spoke of my life.

Asaph speaks of the wicked having no pangs until death (vs. 4). He was envious of the wicked and their prosperity (vs. 3). Asaph speaks of a wrestle he has with the fact that bad things happen to people who do good things. The wicked, though evil, don’t seem to have problems they seemingly can’t fix with money. I, too, wrestled with this. My parents were missionaries, and my dad was a pastor. We gave up everything for people and seemed to have been destroyed and hurt. They could solve the problem it felt with the things of this earth, but I couldn’t, and I was mad.

“When I thought how to understand this, It was too painful for me- until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end” (Psalm 73:16-17).

It finally clicked. Asaph realizes that although they may have a seemingly great life, the end is death and separation from God. I didn’t want that, and I remember crying out to Jesus then you have my life. You save me; I am done doing my own thing; Lord, would you run my life? I remember that at that moment, peace flooded my heart. I knew something had changed, and I had peace. The wrestle wasn’t there anymore. I thought this was it. I was saved. He saved me.

I was baptized in the church, and it wasn’t until years later that I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. When I came to the UK to work with my Dad’s church. My Dad preached on Pentecost and the need for power to live out the life of a believer. I remember weeping before the Lord as if that message was only for me. I went up for prayer and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. After that, I remember feeling bolder about sharing my faith and having more power to say no to sins. My life was changed! It has been the best decision of my life. I no longer go through things alone, but my Father in Heaven walks through every low with me and every high. I could not imagine life without God in it.

Jesus opens this invitation to anyone and everyone. He calls all people to turn to Him and repent. Repent means to change your mind. So stop thinking your way will solve the problem, heal the hurt, or get rid of the weight of sin that you feel. Only Jesus can do that. He died on the cross for your sins and three days later rose again. He showed he has the power to free you from your sin and make you right before him. He gives it as a free gift to anyone. He says confess me with your mouth that I am Lord of your life. Set who the Lord is, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, and He promises you will be saved. (Romans 10:9). If that is you and you have never given your life to Jesus, then today is the day to give your life to Him. Say:

Jesus, I repent of my sin. I don’t want to live my way anymore. You are Lord, and I want to follow you. I believe you rose from the grave and have the power to save and deliver me from my sins. Please fill me with your Holy Spirit, so I may have the power to follow you and be your witness. Thank you for saving me.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If that were you, please reach out to me. I want to help you start this relationship with Jesus. A relationship with Him is the best decision you will ever make.